Dr Nigel Hunt

Cancer 46

Posted on June 1, 2023 Leave a Comment

Someone suggested my last blog was too long, so in a spirit of appeasement I have decided to do a shorter one.

Instead of talking about cancer all the time I am going to focus this blog on my current holiday; basically, what I did on my holidays. I am 8 years old again, writing for my primary school teacher. It is going to be very current. I am currently sitting at a table looking out over Loch Melfort. It is a sea loch, which is terribly dangerous because if you go on it you will be washed out to sea and drown. Fortunately there are islands in view so I don’t have to look at the open sea, the type of view that I like. The open sea is depressing. It is bright sunny weather. Other people are sitting out in the sun but I can no longer do so comfortably.

As I am in the (hopefully long) process of dying I might start putting down a few of my views while writing about my holidays. I couldn’t care less if any of them are controversial. It doesn’t matter any more. I even got into trouble recently on Facebook for suggesting that tattoos are ugly and that they ruin beautiful skin. I ended up with around 400 likes and around 800 comments, usually negative, often about my name, which is weird because I have heard every criticism of my name so many times it is just boring (take 5 minutes. How many insults can you derive from ‘Nigel’ and ‘Hunt’? It is an easy win).

Yesterday we drove up the A1M. It was cloudy and looked like rain. We stopped at Barnard Castle for tea an cake and a wander around the castle with no visual jokes. We crossed the Pennines on the A66 and immediately it was sunny and warm. I am saying nothing about the advantages of the west over the east. To the west we stopped at Penrith, where I ate pie, peas and gravy, something at its best west of the Pennines, in Lancashire and Cumbria. I also found a good book on Marx. In our increasingly individualistic society where everyone gets upset by the views of everyone else and anyone can be anything we need a good dose of neo-Marxism to reignite the socialist cause. I worry about the Me2s (is that an early Messerschmidt?), the woke, BLM, the outspoken representatives of various minority groups acting in an ever more fascistic manner, refusing to allow people to have diverging views, calling simple opinions hate speech and arguing that everyone (except straight white males) should be represented everywhere. My current favourite is the absurd idea that a man can become a woman. That is nonsensical. It is not possible to reverse biology that has been in place since conception. If a man wants to dress as a woman and act as a woman then good for him. We live in a free society, but please do not argue that he is actually a woman. It makes little difference if there has been surgery. Removing a penis and testicles and somehow creating a hole where the vagina is in a woman is not turning a man into a woman. And don’t get me on to the way some children are treated. It is quite normal for an adolescents to question their sexuality. It should be a crime to use drugs to alter puberty. No to men in women’s toilets and no to men competing in women’s sports. The term transwoman is OK, except I have to think twice re whether this is a man claiming to be a woman or a woman claiming to be a man. How about transvestite? Why can’t we just stop talking about it and let people live as they wish as long as they are not hurting others – and by that I mean really hurting, not saying things that some people are offended by. We have forgotten that sticks and stones may break my bones but calling doesn’t hurt me. Hitler was offensive; J.K. Rowling is not.

We need to treat people equally in the sense that there should be equlity of opportunity, not that we are all the same nor that we can all do anything if we put our mind to it. Some people are brighter, people have different talents, we look different, we have different states of health, etc. People should not be at a disadvantage because they are a particular sex, race or disability, etc, but there are limits. I understand that, as a disabled person, I will in law get privileges if I apply for certain jobs. This too is absurd. I am weak and dying. What use am I going to be over the long or even the medium term for any employer? A ramp up some steps will help people confined to a wheelchair and enable them to do their job more effectively. There is nothing anyone can do to make my disability disappear or to make me ‘equal’ to other employees. We need to get a better sense of reality regarding who can be helped and who can’t.

Last night, the first night of the holidays, we stayed in a Scottish hotel. Many Scottish hotels look like they are from the 1970s. This is also true of Northern Ireland and Wales. This is not a criticism. I like it. Everything is neat and tidy. Is it something to do with being Celtic (I have questions about the legitimacy of the concept of ‘Celt’ but I will leave that for now)? Or perhaps it is the Presbetarian mentality. But while the hotels can look dated the food can be amazing. Last night I had haggis spring roll with a peppercorn sauce dip as a starter. It was superb. The wife had chicken with haggis. Superb.

The village we stayed in was the birthplace of Thomas Carlyle, essayist, novelist, etc. I tried to read his work on the French Revolution but failed to complete it, but that was years ago. Perhaps I should try it again re my focus on long books. Carlyle suggested that the main rule of all life is that life is ruled by inequality. Find the best man and let him rule the country. This should not be an hereditary title, but someone chosen by a group of learned people. Forget democracy, most people are not fit to vote, as we found with Brexit. Carlyle talked a lot of heroes and introduced the term captains of industry, suggesting that positive developments in history occur because of the actions of great men. Carlyle is rather unpopular at the moment, but given the state of democratic society perhaps he has a point, but who decides who selects the leader of the country? It can’t be worse than the current method, where the ‘democratic’ focus appears to be on the incompetent, the insane, the crippled (yes I can use that term because I am crippled), and so on.

Carlyle is buried in the village churchyard, as is Napoleon’s last doctor on St Helena.

I am trying to improve my diet as my chemotherapy starts soon and I ought to give myself at least a chance. The problem is, the barn door is open and some might suggest it is a little late. Anyway, I have resolved to eat more fish and chicken, and less red meat and processed meat. So for breakfast this morning I included the tomatoes that I usually reject in my fry-up. Apparently tomatoes are good for you in a fried breakfast. I particularly enjoyed the haggis, bacon and sausage. For lunch we went to the Loch Fyne restaurant – the real one, on Loch Fyne, where I had haddock chowder. It had bits of bacon in it and I couldn’t find any haddock but I meant well. Tonight we are on the shores of Loch Melfort, I have looked at the menu and will do my damnedest to have fish for at least one course, but there is venison.

When we set out yesterday we had a little disagreement where it was suggested that I was a little strong in my views on the incompetence of people who regularly reverse out of driveways. I said that this was in the Highway Code but I couldn’t remember exactly where. Later I looked it up. Rule 201 states ‘Do not reverse into a main road from a side road. When using a driveway reverse in and pull out if you can.’ The last phrase is not there to give people an excuse. It is there because there are always exceptions to rules. My view may have been strong, but it was right. If you are guilty of this then please stop it right now. I might become the next Carlyle-style ruler. I think I am the right sort of person.

Cancer 44

Posted on May 25, 2023 Leave a Comment

I got angry today and swore at someone on the telephone. I don’t regret it. He really got to me. I do not normally experience high levels of stress. Having cancer is sometimes stressful of course but usually I manage perfectly well. It is the smaller troubles that sometimes get to me, like people who pull in to parking spaces instead of reversing, or the smell of coffee at breakfast or those ridiculous extending leads that people who shouldn’t have dogs because they haven’t trained them use with their untrained dogs.

As I have said before, my treatment starts soon, but there is a period we can go on holiday before it starts so we are trying to sort out where to go. One of the limiting factors regarding travel is my stoma. I need sufficient supplies to keep me going while I am away. As a relative beginner with a stoma I am frightened of running out of bags. It would not be a pretty sight, an unprotected stoma just below my left ribs oozing shit at unpredictable intervals like an untrained geyser. It would make a mess of my clothing, might look unsightly in a nice restaurant and as for going swimming…?

I use around 3 bags a day. We are hoping to go away for about 10 days from Tuesday, and I do not have enough bags for the full period. I put in an order on 22 May for new supplies (or my stoma nurse did). I saw the GP had authorised the prescription on 23 May, so I assumed I would receive everything. I received everything except the bags (waste bags, anti-stick spray, dry wipes, and so on). Having not received the bags I contacted the company supplying them and it turnes out the GP authorised 10 bags instead of 10 boxes of (10) bags. A simple error, but the company neither informed me nor the GP that there was a problem. Today on the telephone to the company I tried to sort things out, but it was not to be. After going backwards and forward, with the result that the phone person left me permanently on hold (I put the phone down after 15 minutes of that) I tried the text thingy and the text person suggested that a) I contact my GP about the problem and b) that I get stoma bags from my local hospital, I was fuming. This should not be my problem. At the same time the wife phoned the GP who promised they would send the right prescription to the company today so the bags would arrive before we go away.

As the wife suggested, at one point I unsuccessfully used the argument that people are not rationed in their use of toilet paper so why was I rationed in the use of stoma bags? I could cobble the other components together to manage the stoma but not the bags themselves, which adhere to the skin surrounding the stoma forming an excellent seal so that there is no smell and no leakage. If I could predict when the stoma was going to erupt I could manage with tissues in some way, but it is not predictable. It usually goes off in the early hours, but also intermittently during the day. I have no control as there is no sphincter. It is the same for wind. It just goes off. Others can hear it because it can sound like a real fart, though there is no smell because there is a charcoal filter. The best bit is when I leave the stoma bag off for time to let the skin breathe. I always have a tissue to hand for when it activates. And it does. Especially in the early hours. I know you love to hear about this fascinating subject. Sitting there with a tissue does have similarities to the good old days when I used a toilet, sitting there in private reading a book or looking at my phone. Now I sit on a settee holding a tissue and looking at my phone.

I digress. My very high stress levels from the telephone call and the very poor responses I was receiving (the person often left long gaps because they didn’t know how to answer. Very rude – which is why I don’t regret using a swear word) were dissipated immediately on telephoning my stoma nurse who immediately sorted things out by saying she will bring me some bags tomorrow. Problem solved again by the wonderful staff at Derby hospital!

Cancer 43

Posted on May 24, 2023 Leave a Comment

0830

Another day at the hospital. If anyone needa directions to any part of this place I can probably give them in detail. Today I meet the nurse who will be administering my chemo. But that is for later. Right now I am sitting in Clinical Measurements waiting an indeterminate time for my 12 line ECG. Fortunately I have my Kindle with me as I suspect there will be a lit of waiting today. I am rereading the wartime trilogy with Guy Crouchback as the hero. Your quiz question for the day is what is the title of the trilogy?

To the book.

0850

Well that was quick. In, tabs and wires fastened, ECGed and out. I now have over two hours until my appointment. What to do when stuck in a hospital? I could write a very long blog but I don’t want to bore people too much. There is nowhere round here suitable for walking. I have my detachable keyboard which connects to my phone so I might try and work on something. Catch up later.

0945

I just went for a walk. I left the hspital, crossed the busy road and walked among the houses of the new estate. Pretty good for new houses. I then went to Aldi, bought some chicken slices and raspberries to eat while waiting (I only report the reasonably healthy stuff). Now I am sitting in the 5th floor restaurant with a placcy cup of tea looking at the ghastly view over the city. There is a hint of a hill in the distance. I wish I was there.

1400

A good long chat with the nurse responsible for my treatment. I hqve a better idea now of the future pattern of my life. The first treatment starts on 12 June. I go to the hospital to be hooked up to a picc line the day before (a line through my vein from upper arm to near the heart), and then the various drugs are administered both on 12 June in the hospital (about 4 hours sitting in a chair with a drip attached), and then going home with another drip attached for 48 hours, ie 3 days out of action. Hopefully the next six days are ok, unless I have side effects, then I need blood tests to see if I am functioning properly, and then the next treatment starts 14 days after the first. The are 6 treatments in a cycle after which I will be scanned to see if it is workibg. If so I immediately move into the next cycle. One that is complete and is still working I might take a break from treatment and we can spend a couple of months in Spain. I can’t go abroad to Europe while undergoing treatment partly because we now don’t have the reciprocal health agreements because of fucking bastard cunting Brexit and all who sail in her. These Brexit benefits never stop, do they?

After the talk with the nurse I waited nearly an hour for my blood test and finally got away from the hospital around 1330.

Cancer 42

Posted on May 23, 2023 Leave a Comment

Having a sort of end date to my life changes the way I think about things. When we don’t have such an end date we can put things off until later. We can say, ‘Yes, I would love to go there, but not yet, I have other important things to do’. I no longer have that luxury because I will be dead before long. Today we went to Leek, not a place we go to regularly, and I wondered en route if it was the last time I would ever go there (not that I would be bothered). We passed the sign for Stoke, a city I have never been to, just passed through, and realised that I probably never will go there (not that I am bothered). It makes me wonder about the things I have done and the things I have not done, and the limited time I have to do things.

People often have a bucket list (not sure why it is called a bucket list, the buckets I have carried have usually had gobbo – mortar to the uninitiated- concrete, soil or water in them). They say they want to do such and such, reeling off a long list of to dos before they die. I am not like that. I have nothing that I really want to do before I die; I believe I think this because if I had such a list and didn’t achieve everything I might die unfulfilled, frustrated and unhappy. Not a way to go.

What I do think is that if we say, ‘let’s do such and such’ then we should get on with it. I have tended to think I would like to go somewhere at some point and then never get round to it. I am trying to change that so that if I decide I want something then I will get it now. I am not very good at this, it is difficult to change the habits of a lifetime, and there is not a lot I really want.

These bucket lists usually contain things such as: visit the Taj Mahal, climb Ben Nevis, visit the Giant’s Causeway (don’t bother, it is a pithering little thing. I was so disappointed), go to Paris and climb the Eiffel Tower, visit Morocco, climb Ayers’ Rock, wear a grass skirt in Tahiti – I don’t know, all sorts of things anyway. I have been wondering what I could put on my bucket list:

See family
keep driving and walking around the Peak District
Holiday in Scotland/Ireland/Northumberland/France/Germany/Spain
Write my campus novel (35,000 words in)
See the publication of my book, Applied Narrative Psychology (Cambridge)
Write my English Civil War novel (OK, 100,000 word draft, but words a little out of order)
Write my Wingfield Manor social history book
Write my Vauban book
Read all the books on my list (not possible, too long, keeps getting longer, will everyone stop writing books?)
etc

If I had this (and the rest I can’t be bothered to think about at the moment) as a bucket list and I didn’t get it finished then I would, not die disappointed because I would be dead so couldn’t be disappointed, but know I am near death disappointed. That is not for me. Forget the above. What happens, happens. To be honest I can’t see the Vauban book coming out. Anyone else want to write it?

The other kind of bucket item people have is that they have not been to certain places, and they must, simply must, get there before they die (the places I mentioned above I have been to before). I have been to some places, and I have not been to others. So what? I might have liked to go to certain countries that I will never get to now (such as New Zealand or Kazakhstan), and I have never wanted to go to other places (such as Japan or Congo). I have liked most of the countries I have been (Ukraine, Russia, Iran, USA, Spain, Bosnia, India, Chile, etc – actually this would be a long list), and I have not liked others (China, Italy – sorry, both massive over-generalisations, I have liked elements of both, though I think the food in Italy is the worst in Europe). In the end it doesn’t matter. If I had never left Derbyshire it wouldn’t matter. If I had been to every country on Earth it wouldn’t matter.

I see little point in regret or disappointment regarding what I have seen and done or not seen or done. I can list things I have never done and it does not make me feel regret. I have never:

Been to any Disneyland/world
Visited Egypt
Climbed Ben Nevis
Owned a mansion
Been to a horse race
Been to a Premiership football match
Read any Jane Austen (I’m proud of that one)
Been to a West End show
Been in a betting shop except to once pick up a friend
Stabbed anyone
Run a 4 minute mile
Been to Newcastle
Owned a Playstaion, Wii or X-Box (or whatever they are. My limit is Doom 1)
Known how to use a washing machine properly
Been on a ride at Alton Towers

And I am not bothered if I never do them.

Je ne regret rien.

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