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Cancer 221

I am feeling increasingly like I am fighting the battle of Stalingrad – and I am the Germans. I have limited resources, resources that in the past I would use outside, whether for working in the garden, working at my career, making a meal, driving long distances, mending something in the house, or whatever. These […]

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Cancer 220

A day with developments. I am unsure whether to call them good or bad, positive or negative. I think I am losing the ability to judge right from wrong. I was at the hospital today to see the consultant. Fortunately, I saw the main consultant, not the person I had last time with whom I […]

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Cancer 219

The endless cycles of cancer. I think I notice changes much more than when I was well. In my state I need to notice what appear to be small changes because they might have massive consequences. This at least partially explains the roller coaster nature of my life. I was driving to have my blood […]

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Cancer 217

You know that feeling, that feeling that by definition most of us have never had? I have been getting a bit of that feeling over the last few days. Dying, that it. We usually experience the process of dying from the outside, watching others as they go through the process. I have this rotten feeling […]

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Cancer 214

It isn’t all looking rosy. I think this period is requiring all I have in keeping that glass half full. This is a period of waiting. I will be seeing the consultant on Friday. I am aware there is going to be a multidiscipplinary meeting to discuss me, and the only reason that needs to […]

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