Cancer 6

Perhaps the best thing to come out of having a diagnosis of cancer is the support I have received from so many people. There are messages on social media, and many more personal messages. There are messages from friends and family, and from people I know less well and some from people I don’t know at all. They have been universally positive (including my favourite: ‘Excellent writing, you should get fatal diseases more often’), and just go to show that there is humanity in humanity, that despite all the awfulness going round (whether it is Ukraine or Brexit) people are – as Rousseau would have it – generally good.

Rousseau focused his arguments at the level of society rather than individual interactions, but he recognised that people are dependent on one another. He thought that this dependence was often problematic because in part we derive our sense of self from others and that this can be a negative restriction of individual freedom. I would disagree. That part of us the derives from others, from the behaviour of others, is crucially important. Alone we are nothing, we need others to be fulfilled. This doesn’t restrict freedom, it enhances it. One element of this need we all have for others, this gemeinschaft, is what in psychology we crudely call social support.

The following definition of social support is from the American Psychological Association: “The provision of assistance or comfort to others, typically to help them cope with biological, psychological, and social stressors. Support may arise from any interpersonal relationship in an individual’s social network, involving family members, friends, neighbors, religious institutions, colleagues, caregivers, or support groups. It may take the form of practical help (e.g., doing chores, offering advice), tangible support that involves giving money or other direct material assistance, and emotional support that allows the individual to feel valued, accepted, and understood.” 

Another way of looking at the need for others is reflected in the book I am writing at the moment, which is about narrative psychology. There are chapters on the levels of narrative that we use, from personal narratives regarding how we think about ourselves to the master narratives that apply across all or most of the people in society, from driving on a particular side of the road to the words and phrases used in greeting. This is relevant to support because it shows that no matter what Margaret Thatcher claimed, there is such a thing as society. Society is a group of interdependent people who cannot fully function if they are isolated. If one person has a problem, others naturally want to help.

And it is a great help, knowing that people are thinking about you. My prognosis at the moment is looking more positive than it did (at least to me) a few days ago, but it still malignant cancer, the treatment will probably take most of this year (bye bye summer holiday) and it will now live with me forever even if I am officially declared clear, so folks, I will be depending on your continued support until the day I die!

It is not only that people are declaring their support, but they are declaring their willingness to help, and they are actually helping. It does leave me free to deal with both the practicalities that I have to deal with and my emotional state which, I must admit, does occasionally vary from the stiff upper lip approach that I like to retain both inwardly and outwardly.