Cancer 27

It has been a while since I blogged. This mainly because I have not had a functioning brain for the last few days. This illness has rather taken over in the last few days but I am hoping for a little respite from the worst of it, though I am likely to be here for many days yet. I do feel a spark of strength and positivity at the moment.

I have read nothing, listened to nothing, and my existence consists of myself, this part of the hospital, and those around me, both physically and across the ether. What is important to me now is whether I can make myself more comfortable in bed, whether the new chap across the way snores (he does, very loudly), and how I am going to get through this period of no eating. It is now Monday evening. I have not eaten anything since Thursday evening, and it is likely to be several days at least before I can have this tube out of my stomach and eat something. It is not as though I want a bacon sandwich or a roast dinner, I am looking forward to a simple biscuit – though not too much as I can’t become obsessed with food.

I get to hear the stories of others, whether they mean me to or not. One chap was asking me for advice on his sex life with his wife. Apparently he had slowed a little due to his four heart attacks. No idea why he asked me. Perhaps after his first question he thought I was the fount of wisdom – his first question was how to spell ‘bored’. He then got dressed and ran away. Another chap is telling his health stories continually over the phone. The snorer, when not sleeping, just sits. He doesn’t talk. He doesn’t read. He doesn’t play on his phone. The Polish chap could speak little English. He kept getting up and walking away. He kept bottles of pickles on his shelf to improve his hospital diet. On a quiet evening he started playing loud Polish music on his phone. It was quite good really.

It is also difficult having these tubes in various places on and in my body, but there is no point in worrying about it because they are going to be there for days.

Hospitals teach patience in a way it is not learned elsewhere. A prison may be similar. You put up with things because you have to. You become the ultimate stoic.