Cancer 86

I learned fairly early on in my adult life that it is best to not have any regrets about what I had done, the choices I made, and so on. It has worked well for me over the years, and I believe has contributed to my generally positive outlook on life. Regrets mess up people’s lives.

There have been many occasions where I could have experienced regret, from large life-changing events to the minor everyday things that affect us all. Some have been under my control, others haven’t. A good example of the former is being born a little late and being sent to a comprehensive school. I did well at primary school. I was in the top class, sitting on the top table with the others who liked to race through the maths exercise books. I enjoyed it, but then I was sent to a school which had been a grammar school. It was set around an old hall, with massive grounds, with endless sports fields. Unfortunately, it had been turned into a comprehensive school a few years earlier and was full of frustrated grammar school teachers, dusty untouched Latin books on high shelves, and pupils with a very wide range of abilities and behaviours. It didn’t take long for me to slip down the academic rankings, and leave school with two O levels (Meths and English language, both C grades).

I detest the comprehensive system. Putting people of all abilities and interests into the same classroom is a disaster. The tripartite system in place (supposedly in place, where were the technical schools?) before then was ideal, but it was better than what followed. It makes sense to put the academically bright kids together in grammar schools. It makes sense to put the technologically minded kids in a technical school. These are very separate groups, and – not wanting to be controversial of course – there will be more girls in the former and more boys in the latter. The real problem with the tripartite system was the secondary moderns. These often ended up being sink schools which did little good for education or preparing people for adulthood. If we did reintroduce a selective system then we need to recognise that many people should be leaving school much earlier, starting apprenticeships and training, going to college on day release where necessary, and getting on with their lives. Many people are not interested in reading for pleasure or have a need for complex mathematics. Let them get on with working and earning money. One of the problems with the system was transferring from one type of school to another. People mature at different ages (not to be controversial but girls are usually years ahead of boys), so it should not be fixed that the selection at 11 years is final.

Sorry, getting distracted. What I meant to say is that I have no regrets about going to a comprehensive school, though I can be angry about it. The anger is not about me, it is about the crap system. I ended up leaving at 16 and getting a job as an apprentice bricklayer. It was just a job so I could earn money to go to gigs and pubs – underage drinking was normal then. Nobody asked for ID, and if the landlord knew you someone else would buy the drinks. My Dad was a joiner so I understood something of the building trade. When I was sent to college I ended up helping other apprentices with their academic work, as many of them struggled with basic maths, etc. The teachers realised I was brighter than most and suggested further study to improve. my prospects.

I eventually realised bricklaying was not for me, walked off-site, and decided to do a PhD in psychology. The choice was only because I had just read some psychology books. If I had just been reading physics books I would probably have studied physics. There is another potential regret. I think I would have enjoyed being a physicist, but I don’t regret my choice. It took a while to get the PhD, with all sorts of things happening before I completed the PhD, including having a child, writing my first book, and becoming a Class One HGV driver, something I had always wanted to do. While I might write more about pleasure in another blog, there is no greater pleasure than driving a big artic around a town, dominating the road, and doing complex and difficult manoeuvres.

I have enjoyed my time as a psychologist. I enjoyed the learning, and I have enjoyed the teaching and research. I have learned a lot from my lecturers, and even more from my students, who have come from all over the world and taught me about people. I have been privileged to travel to interesting places around the world. How could I regret this kind of life?

Perhaps the biggest non-regret, at least to date, is getting heart disease and – particularly – cancer. I will never know the causes of these problems. I suspect lifestyle has something to do with it, though a couple of family members died young from cancer. I learned to drink beer as a bricklayer, it washes the dust away you know. I forgot to unlearn it when I left the building trade. If the cause of my impending demise is lifestyle I don’t regret it because I have enjoyed myself.

I do feel regret is a negative human trait. People who regret things in their lives sometimes focus on what might have been, and end up unhappy. Well, it didn’t happen, so leave it behind. Your life is as it is, not as it might have been. If you want to achieve something, stop moping and get on with it if it is something that is possible. If not, find something else. Memories are there to be enjoyed and learned from. They are the past. Live for the present and the future. I still do, even though my future is curtailed. I try to carry on and do the things I want to do At some point they will stop, but they stop for everyone. I am not going to waste my time regretting the past when I still have time to live for now and the future. If you are living with regrets then get a grip, folks.