Cancer 115

I I am still trying to get on with recovering from a few bad health weeks. I do feel a bit better now. A couple of weeks ago I thought that if I took a break from chemotherapy then I wouldn’t dare go abroad, even to France, so we were looking at holidays in Scotland. In my situation, you do become dependent on the NHS being around. Now I am back to thinking that perhaps we could cross the Channel for a break. I suppose that is a good sign.

Nevertheless, while I am over some problems such as pneumonia and fever, I am still troubled by health problems. Apart from abdominal pain, particularly when I cough, the biggest issue is my skin. We talk of skin being the biggest organ in (or on) the human body, and at the moment it feels it. My body has difficulty with cell repair because of the chemotherapy, and at the moment my skin is bearing the brunt of it. The area around the PICC line entry on my arm is still troublesome. Having a large dressing permanently over the entry point has led to a large red patch, with dry and brittle skin, which is very itchy. Obviously, I never scratch it (that was for any health professionals listening in. In reality I scratch it constantly), as that would make it worse (it does).

I use Plaizon cream around the area of the dressing to try and soothe it. This is my go to cream. I also use it on my head and anywhere else causing trouble. Unfortunately, most of the problem is under the dressing. I have been observing people knocking my body around for some time now, so I have learned some tricks. The dressing spmetimes comes off after a few days (or in the case of yesterday, around 12 hours), and I can’t always call on a nurse to sort it out. I have started changing the dressing myself. I take off the old one and thoroughly clean (rub vigorously, ie a substitute for scratching) the area using the wet wipes I use for my stoma. This is much better at cleaning the area than what the nurses use. I then use a barrier spray and once it is dry put on a new dressing. The wet wipes make a real difference.

The rest of my skin is also a problem. I have scratchy bits on my other arm, my legs, around my abdomen, and my head. The other day I banged my head – twice – and it seems to be taking a long time to heal. I used to have a hard head. I had headbanging competitions with a fellow bricklaying apprentice who fought wearing a crash helmet, but I still won. I also have sensitive fingertips again, which creates problems with everything from opening a bottle to playing my guitar (the latter may also have something to do with lack of competence).

Well, that’s enough about me. How do you feel? Actually, don’t tell me because I don’t care. In the last months, I have noticed that I don’t want to know about illness in other people. I have very little sympathy. I don’t want to hear about the health problems other people face. I just blank it out or get upset. Deep down what I have just said isn’t true. At one level I do care, but in the past, I used to listen to everyone’s problems. Now I am not interested. I suppose I just don’t have the resources for other people that I used to have. Cancer makes you selfish.