Cancer 129

I arrived at the CDU (the cancer unit) this morning more in hope than expectation. Probably due to a chaos of people, no one had sorted out the deferment of my treatment from last week to this week. My infection of last week is now cleared up, and so I could be treated, but no one had got their act together, so it has been arranged (hopefully) for next week.

I could be angry that I am not receiving treatment again. Treatment is aimed at thrashing the bastard little lumpy things in my abdomen, and if I don’t receive my poisonous cocktail then the bastard little lumpy things will become bastard big lumpy things and bang – it is all over. On the other hand, not receiving treatment means that I have another week of feeling better and getting around more. It is a fine balance between wanting treatment to prolong my life and wanting at least some time when I feel well. At the moment, I am sticking with wanting treatment, but who knows how long that will last?

The wife made a joke yesterday. I was looking at the possibilities for a new phone. A certain phone offered seven years of updates as one of its selling points. The wife said, “You won’t need that, then.” It sounded better in the flesh, but it is not like the wife to make such jokes. Perhaps I should be offended? I don’t think so.

We picked up two new kittens yesterday, partly to replace the kitten that died on us the other week. They are called Die and Camilla. I named the first one. And no, it is not about death. The kitten has a spot on its back. I do like having animals around; they help my mood, even cats, which are intrinsically evil and hateful. I would rather have chickens, I relate to them better, and like talking to them, but looking after them is more of a hassle, and once I become fully incapable then it is impracticable. To be honest, it is impracticable now, given the limited amount of help I provide around the house. It is not that I don’t want to help, and often I feel I can help, but in the end, it is very difficult to do things. I am building up to going outside and clearing up the front garden, something I should have done weeks ago, but it takes time to work up the energy, and even then I can’t get much done before I have to sit down.

It is shit knowing that this is only going to get worse.