Cancer 148

I am back to normal now after a scary few days. I don’t like being ill. While it is usually just a little illness I worry that it is something much worse. In any case, I have a compromised immune system so who knows what the consequences of a tiny bug will be?

My frustration today is not being able to walk. The wife was going out with a friend, and I offered advice on where to walk. As I did so, I realised that I may never see some of these places again, even though they are very close to home. I struggle to walk any distance. Half a mile is often an achievement, though occasionally I manage more. We are visiting Castle Howard on Monday, and I wonder whether I will get around the house, let alone the gardens. As an ex-footpath officer for the parish council (ahem), it is difficult. I think back to the days when I decided not to go for a walk because it was raining or muddy or I just couldn’t be bothered. Thoughts like this are dangerous. They might lead to regret, and I regret nothing. Choices are made in life, and you live (or die) by them. We all make mistakes in our choices, but there is no going back and changing them. Regret is the consequence of focusing on decisions made in the past and is negative and so undesirable. Like many people, I like to think that I learn from mistakes, though I am not convinced I do.

I decided I too would go for a walk, alone so I don’t limit their walking, but realised that as I am just recovering from a fever and it is wet and miserable that might not be a good idea. Instead I decided to write this blog. This afternoon we are off to buy a toilet seat as I broke it while mending the plug in the sink. One step forward, one step back.