Cancer 195

I have decided that, assuming this is the final phase, that I should see it as an adventure, the last adventure. Why should dying not be an adventure? Lots of big adventures end with death, though usually they are not inevitable, so exploring the process of bodily decay and shutdown is my adventure.

Today I am back on the merry go round. I am in hospital to see the consultant, who will determine whether I should start the new treatment next week. If so, I have no idea whether it will affect me more than the last two years of treatment have affected me.

On Monday I see the radiotherapy consultant for the first time. This will determine whether I will get radiotherapy for the lump on my stoma. This lump is a bit of a problem both because it makes it difficult for the stoma bags to glue to my skin properly with attendant leaks. Sorry for the smell folks, it is my cancerous lump, and because it hurts like hell when it gets knocked, which is too common, eg against tables or doorways or when there are too many people.

I am hoping, though it is probably not realistic, that the radiotherapy might be used against my bag of marbles, ie the rapidly growing set of cancerous lumps in my abdomen. The optimist might say that the chemotherapy will have an effect, and I am an optimist, so….