Cancer 208

So, I spent the night throwing up again the day after my chemo stopped. that is two successive treatments. The question is whether I am starting to respond negatively to the chemo. It looks that way, except I did eat rich food two days running and had the worst (longest) journey to Devon on the Friday – most of the way without a break due to traffic. Next time I will keep to the simple foods and see whether I have a similar response.

The other problem I have is constant pain from my stoma and the friendly ulcerated tumour sitting next to it, still changing shape presumably due to that awful radiotherapy. While I try and bodge the stoma bag so the ooze from my stoma does not smear all over the open sore, it generally doesn’t work, so I walk around stooped like an old man in fear of something or someone barging into me and causing utter agony. I sometimes walk with a stick as a form of self-defence. It does stop me going to crowded places, such as cities, or a bus. What a shame!

I am a little averse to taking more painkillers. First, I don’t like painkillers, never have. Pain is for putting up with as it has a purpose, though that sounds like I am some religious zealot wrapping barbed wire round my thigh and pulling it tight. Yes, I watch that kind of film. Second, I hear rumours that the rules regarding drugs and driving may become more strict. I am already regularly taking morphine and that is one of the drugs that may – rightly – restrict driving. At the moment I would rather have pain than be banned from driving. I won’t say driving is my only pleasure, but it is an important one. Perhaps soon I will be driving around screaming in agony, crashing every 5 minutes because I won’t take the morphine. Hmm, have to think about that.

I am still hoping to get a treatment break, perhaps after the next round of chemo. We were planning Bavaria, but I am getting a little nervous about being away from my beloved NHS so we might end up in The Netherlands (ie close to the ferry home) or perhaps stay in the UK and go to Scotland. There is plenty to see in the UK, and we do have one of the best cuisines in the world.

There I go, start with puking and finish on eating. I just don’t learn.