Cancer 210

I’m sorry about the song illusion, but life really is a roller coaster, and with cancer you just have to ride it, ride it. Eight days ago I was accepted on the History MA at Lincoln and felt good. Within two days I was feeling extremely ill and worrying – again – that I was dying – by the middle of the week I picked up again, then by Thursday I was sinking. Yesterday we drove to the Lake District and it was a bit of a struggle to eat – though last night in the restaurant I did have one of the best lamb dishes ever. You didn’t need teeth to eat the lovely piece of rump, and it came with a little shepherd’s pie….

Today I am tired. I did manage a reasonable sleep last night, though I spent a couple of hours in the bathroom reading James Bond (Live and Let Die). It is raining, and predicted to rain all day, so I am not moving from the conservatory of the hotel overlooking Lake Windermere.

We came down to breakfast at 0730 because that is when it starts. We were the first there. Others dribbled in as we ate, but apparently the peak time for breakfast is 0900. That is not breakfast, it is brunch. If I ran a hotel and guests weren’t down for breakfast before 0800 at the latest they would go hungry.

We are here for three nights, the first of our (hopefully four) holidays during the 6 week chemo break I have just started. I think my tiredness is in part psychological realising that I am free of poison for a while. I am relaxing (?), getting away from it, hopefully allowing a little bit of recovery (on the negative side it enables the monstrous tumours to become more monstrous). We return home on Monday, and then off to the Netherlands the following weekend. All assuming I am fit enough of course. Fit enough? Of course I will be – even if I am not. You have to crack on, don’t you? Even when riding that roller coaster.