Cancer 216

It is back to the numbers game. I am starting my second line treatment on Tuesday, after the failure of the first line treatment. I was lucky I suppose, the first line treatment lasted two years and three months, which is longer than the average. I am now moving on to Folfox, which basically means stopping the irinotecan and replacing it with oxaliplatin. There are statistics for the effectiveness of Folfox as a second line treatment, and they are glum reading for anyone who wants to be immortal. As I realise immortality is something only achieved after death (no I haven’t started believing in any god or heaven nonsense) – bring it on. No doubt my books will sell in their millions when I am dead….

The median overall survival is 11-15 months, which means I might not have to endure another Christmas after this one, with a 13-30% treatment response rate and median progression-free time of 5-7 months. What do these figures mean? I plan to mix my averages and get to the extreme end of the normal distribution curve, which means I might have to endure another Christmas after all.

The worrying thing, if I worried about things, are the side effects. The most serious is that I will be very susceptible to the cold; I will need to wear gloves just to go into the fridge, and during treatment I can’t have cold drinks. I am thinking of going for an ice cream this afternoon, even though it is frosty outside. The side effects include:

Allergic reaction, the drug leaks outside the vein, throat spasm, risk of infection, bruising and bleeding, anaemia, diarrhoea, effects on the heart, difficulty breathing, feeling sick, numb or tingling hands or feet (neural neuropathy), sore mouth and throat, hand-foot (palmar-plantar) syndrome, stomach pain, loss of appetite, changes to taste, feeling tired, hair loss, muscle or joint pain, headaches, skin changes, effects on the liver and kidneys, raised blood sugar levels, nail changes, effects on the lungs, effects on the eyes, bladder effects, constipation, hearing changes, effects on sleep or mood, and effects on the brain.

There are several pages more of the effects, but I don’t want to bore you. I have several of these already, and several that occur during or just after treatment. There is a point at which I understand why people say they are going to stop treatment, even though that means imminent certain death. When the difference is treatment that has many side effects will keep you alive just a few months longer than not having treatment there is a certain logic. We will see. At the moment I am torn between wanting to establish records for longevity and just giving up. We watched Downfall last night where a doctor gave Hitler clear advice on ensuring a suicide attempt is successful. Anyone got a cyanide pill and a revolver they can lend me?

Enough of that. I am cracking on with the MSc. I sent a rough draft of the Introduction to my supervisors the other day. This morning I am going to get on with the method. I am not sure what historians write for a method. Given some of what I have read I don’t think they always bother. Still, the scientist in me demands that the methods are clearly explicated so clearly explicated they will be!

If I do last another 12 months then I should get the MA finished. A better strategy will be to finish it as quickly as is reasonably possible, assuming I stay well enough for long enough – and chemobrain doesn’t eat all my neurons.