Cancer 25
“Well, I’m going home
Back to the place where I belong
And where your love has always been enough for me”
They are going to set me free, hopefully today. My mood has gone from Despair to hope. I just need to convince all the right people that I am fit enough to be set free.
It is not that I dislike the people. They are (generally) great, but the atmosphere of a hospital is stifling, the noise consistent, the sense of illness overpowering.
Later
They are going to set me free. It is confirmed. For much of the day I have been waiting on the word of the stoma nurse, which I was fairly sure I would get. I had to pass the test of being able to change my stoma bag, which I nervously did. That gave me the go away. Then it was the endless hospital waiting, while they put in my prescriptions, lost them at the pharmacy and chased them up. The consultants were easy to convince. Many were still working as junior doctors because of the strike and so didn’t know what they were doing.
Actually, I spent the day being a good psychologist, putting the idea that they wanted to release me into their heads.
Later
I am free! I am sitting in my chair at 0140, unable to sleep any longer on the horizontal bed. It clogs my chest. The atmosphere at home is impossible to describe in terms of comparison with hospital. While the hospital was necessary the immediate aftermath of the operation, one I was taking all my drugs by mouth and detached from all lines there is no need to be there.
The worst part of the day was when they removed the final drain. This is a substantial tube going into my belly. I had no idea it went 11-12 inches in! When it was first pulled I experienced a painful yank in my groin and let out a yelp. I wanted to faint when I saw the length of it, ok I didn’t. This isn’t a 19th Century novel.
Dr Nigel Hunt 
Dear Nigel, I was shocked and deeply saddened to catch up with the latest developments and the cumulative trauma that you are suffering. Val’s and my thoughts are with you. I admire the way you are addressing the existential question that everyone is facing – how to live a meaningful life in the time that is left – by sharing your thoughts, feelings and insights in writing, as you have done for as long as we have known each other. I hope to read about your experiences for some time to come and wish you the strength to keep on sharing.
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Cannot believe that even in the darkest of days your sense of humour still prevails.
(Actually, I can – that’s always been you. Taking amusement where it can be found)
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