Cancer 211

It has been a while. It is still a time of rollercoasting. My abdomen is distended, presumably both by hernias and tumours. It feels like a bag of marbles. The tumour by my stoma is immesely painful if touched. I generally cry out like a big soft [fill in own word here] if anyone or anything catches it. It is like having gout on your stomach.

I have been afraid to travel because I feel somewhat delicate. I worry that I am going to fall apart at a moment’s notice. It is worse than it was, and I have definitey gone downhill over the last months. I suppose it is to be expeted but the eternal optimist in me expects to carry on forever, or at least until I am a decent old age pensioner.

Having said I am worried about travel, we are currenty in the Netherlands. We chose a place by a national park in a village with reasonable facilities. We arrive a couple of days ago after three days of travel, 1st day to Harwich, 2nd across the North sea and into the Netherands, 3rd to the house in the eastern part of the country. I was worn out when we arrived. I just don’t have the stamina any more, though it is only 300 miles of driving from home. We spent yesterday at the house, unmoving – but I did read Ken Follett’s new novel about the construction of Stonehenge. Perfect simplicity, good storytelling.

I don’t do visits to war sites any more, but the village we are staying in was the site of the last battle of WWII in the Netherlands, the army practices in the nearby woods (lots of machine gun fire yesterday), and we are just a few miles from Arnhem. Well, I can’t help it if one of the best museums I have ever been to is about 5 miles away. I am sure the wife will love it when I take her there tomorrow. It was the HQ of General Urquart during Operation Market Garden (and so on).

Today we are at the Kroller-Muller museum, one of the best art museums in the Netherlands, and we had no idea it was here until we had booked the house. The buildings are modern and magnificent. They remind me of where I worked in Helsinki and make me a little homesick – can you be homesick for a place that isn’t your home? I did visit from 1997 and then worked there for 15 years or so.

I must admit I am worried about the cancer. We walked around this museum, and through the park to a restaurant, and I can’t walk any further. I am just sitting in the cafe drinking warm Fanta and writing this. I now need to get on with writing about Alethea Howard. My MA thesis won’t write itself.