Cancer 205

Here we are again, at hospital to begin round 41, Muhammed Ali wouldn’t have survived this many rounds. The last week has been a hospital week. Tuesday, Thursday, Thursday, Friday, and now Tuesday again. Why Thursday twice? I went for my blood test and forgot the blood form, the holy blood form, without which blood will not be taken. I had to drive home and drive back again with said form. Still it was all over by 0830. It is a good job I like doing these things in the mornings. If it was left to me the hospital staff would start their appointments at 0500 so I could get it over with earlier.

My bloods are again ok, the CT scan shows only minimal growth of tumour, so I can be chemo’ed. I think I have a few flu symptoms, the aching muscles, the tiredness (ok, the increased tiredness – I fell asleep in my chair overnight), the general malaise. Not everything is cancer. It is not a problem, anyway, certainly not compared with the troublesome stoma and its friendly monstrous tumour, which is continually painful. At least it seems to have stopped bleeding after about 6 weeks, or at least is bleeding less. I would show you a photo but it is a bit messy and I think you might prefer to eat again. Think ulcerated tumour, exposed decaying colon, and shit. ~Mix them together and you have me!

I am trying to avoid to much morphine on top of my two daily doses because, as I have said before, I see morphine as the final stage. I also still do not like taking painkillers. Pain exists to tell us something is wrong with the body. Shit argument I know, given that my body is falling apart and taking a few painkillers is hardly going to hurt (sic). I am trying to regularly take paracetamol as well as the morphine but I forget.

I am hoping to take a treatment break after the next one, so we can get away late September-early October. The favoured place at the moment is Bavaria, but if I am not fit to go abroad then perhaps Scotland. We shall see. I am a little nervous about travel at the moment given my condition, but hell, I need a good drive.

I am researchinggat I hope will be my MA in history. If there is anyone out there who doesn’t believe in my feminist nature they are about to be surprised. The focus is on Alethia Howard and the changing nature of science in the early 17th Century. If I don’t do the MA, I think I will still write the article.

I have finished reading Stalingrad, and now reading the follow up, Life and Fate. Both are around 900 pages. If you want to understand something of the Great Patriotic War, and have a bit of spare time, these are the books to read from the Russian perspective.

Reading, study, travel. I would recommend all three to people who are in my condition. They are perhaps as important as medical treatment and social support. I am lucky. I have plenty of all these things. They keep me alive and happy.