Cancer 254
I feel I am now watching myself through the process of dying. At the moment my body is deteriorating faster than my mind – or at least I think it is! I am tempted to leave all my typing errors but this might be unintelligible.
It is difficult typing due to the severe tingling in my fingers. It is hard to read a book for the same reason. This morning I found myself sitting doing nothing except stare out of the window. I never used to do that. I do very few jobs at home now. I have not even made breakfast for weeks.
Yesteeday I phoned the Rapid Response line due to my constipation. I try and avoid phoning them.
I went to the hospice yesterday to a cancer support group, the first time evee. At least I still went with the idea of doing the supporting, rather than needing support. It had nice gardens but was unfortunately next to a dual carriagwway so was not peaceful. I often wonder wherher city folk actually hear traffic noise.
This morning I was reading Marcus Aurelius’s Meditations. It is very realistic and helpful, noit hipeful in that meaningless way people talk about.
I am seriously considering how long I can keep on with this chemo treatment. I need to feel good at least sometimes.
Dr Nigel Hunt 
I am thinking of you and wishing for the good days to arrive soon. Hang in there.
We have a creek behind our house. The day before yesterday, I invited a friend who’s is having health issues, to try a cold immersion session. He arrived, and we headed there.
So he’s now into the water up to his knees, his arms clutched tight to his chest, and a semi shocked yet defiant look on his face. ‘How’re you doing?!’. ‘Fine’, he responded.
A few seconds more, I encouraged him to go deeper into the water. He took a couple steps, then stopped. ‘Are you too too cold?’. I asked. ‘No!’, he responded.
I immediately realized what was going on. He’s not going to show any signs of the cold water winning. He is taking this exercise as a challenge. I smiled and allowed him to me.
A minute later, ‘I’d like to dive in’. I explained how this might not be a very good idea. The cold water can create a shock to a person’s system if one just dives in. Acclimation is necessary to avoid that.
He finally reached a point of the water up to his chest.
We headed back to the house, and semi smile on his face is now definitely detectable.
He began to describe how he feels…lighter!
I did not ask questions. I allowed him space, and brought warm tea.
I will find out soon how the cold water immersion experience left him.
Hope my nattering wasn’t too long for you, and I will again wish for the good days to arrive soon.
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