Cancer 264

Things are getting increasingly difficult. I am now sleeping in an NHS bed in the living room, gettung out using my zimmer frame, and thinking it won’t be long before I cannot get upstairs, and not long until I am unable to drive.

I spent most of the day sitting in my chair roday. I didn’t go out at all. I spenr part of it asleep and the rest of it unproductive apart from a little reading.

The abdomenal pain is getting worse despite the introduction of fentanyl. To cough is painful. I am still eating but not enough to sustain me. My bowels still produce diarrhoea, though today it has been worse. It feels like a stomach bug.

On the positive side I still have lots of support, thoigh I feel terrible about not giving anything back. J spend periods staring into space without the will to change my position. It can only look bad.

I have no idea how long I have, but theoretically I may still receive treatment after meeting the consultant next Wednesday. Could I bear it? People have continually told me how strong I am, what a fight I am putting up but I feel like the British Army after the massacre at the Khyber Pass in rhe 1840s, there is only one soldier left out of 4,000 and he is wounded.