Cancer 233
It is a few days since I found out that I am headed for the endgame. I am not happy about it. It hasn’t become all right. It is still all wrong. But when I look back, we can split life into three stages, childhood, adulthood, and retirement. The first two have been excellent, but I am not getting the chance to have a good retirement. We were looking forward to a retirement of travel, doing new things, doing old things, just doing things, without the pressures of work.
I am lucky to have had such good versions of two of the three stages of life. In childhood I had woods, a quarry, lawn for football/cricket, a field, some big trees for tree houses, forts, fires, dens, tunnels – all that and more was in my garden (if that is the right word). We fought battles with stones and mud, we fought Germans in WWII. We played football in the winter and cricket in the summer. We cycled for miles. We had a rusting crane yard (thanks Bowmer and Kirkland), ruined houses and factories, everything a normal boy could want from childhood – no internet, no screens, and not too many TV channels.
For most of my adulthood I didn’t have a proper job. I know what a proper job is. I was a bricklayer and a lorry driver. They are proper jobs. Being a university lecturer? That is not a proper job, no matter what some people might argue (usually thosae who had gone straight through school and university into academia). I was largely autonomous. The only real time constraints were turning up to lectures at the right time, standing up for one or two hours in front of young people and talking about subjects you enjoy, perhaps interspersing it with political or other opinions because I felt like it. I had years of being able to influence young people. That is not work.
Research. You choose your own topics for research and get other people (students) to do the work. Not real work. Students came from all over the world. Outside of ‘work’ we had regular walksin the Peak District, and regular monthly lunches. Other staff didn’t do this. I don’t know why, Many didn’t seem interested in the people they were teaching and supervising.
Writing. That is what I always wanted to do, so having written ten books and numerous journal articles I have done what I wanted to do!
Outside of work are the people, the friends and family that have played a huge part in my life. I have been lucky to have a lot of people who care for me and I care for them. It makes a big difference to life.
So what have I to complain about, ‘save the undone years, the hopelessness.’ (come on, work it out. Where did that quotation come from? ). I had such a good childhood and adulthood that I hoped for a good retirement too. Perhaps that is selfish. For me, it is another example of why I don’t want to die.
‘Do not go gentle into that good night, Old age should burn and rave at close of day; Rage, rage aagainst the dying of the night.’
Dr Nigel Hunt 
Nigel, I have been following your blog posts, like many I suspect, hoping never to write a message such as this. I am so saddened to hear your news and I applaud your fortitude so far and in the near future for what is coming over the hill. There is not much anyone can say, as there is bugger all we can do about it, it is just shit really. Take care of yourself and family as much as you can and I will continue, (somewhat stupidly) to think positive vibes and hope they land your way.
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