Cancer 269

Why doesn’t this bloody body of mine just accept defeat instead f dragging myself and everyone else along this ever-diminishing path to nowhere? I spend most of my time either sitting in the chair or lying in the bed – day or night makes little difference – doing very little except hopig that my bladder will work at least to some extent the next time I go. At night this is getting increasingly difficult. Then I hope that my bowel will work at least to some extent. i spend a long time taking various drugs that vary in their effectiveness. It is a rare moment that I am not in some sort of pain, usually sharp in the abdomen, but often dull backache from moving too little.

My main exercise is to get up and walk to the toilet (the next room) and try to stay upright while I try to go.

I am eating very little. I thought you died if you didn’t eat. Perhaps. I shouldn’t have had that boiled egg earlier.

I have always said that the last of my ‘pleasures’ to go would be driving. And that is so. I still get outside to the car, ‘jump’ in, and we go for a drive around the Peak District. We did c. 60 miles today. That happens a couple of times a week.

The future? It seems it will ast until the bowel is blocked, the urinary pathway is blocked, or starvation is successful.